


shut down

by Anonymous



Category: ARGONAVIS from BanG Dream! AAside (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Birthday, Family Issues, Gen, Strangulation, Underage Drinking, to put it mildly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:08:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24747340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: It's Haruka's least favorite day of the year.
Relationships: Nijo Haruka & Nijo Kanata
Comments: 21
Kudos: 39
Collections: Anonymous





	shut down

**Author's Note:**

> Somehow this is what came out when I was trying to write a birthday fic for the twins

The best thing about being in Epsilon Phi, about their living area in Roppongi - even if he had to share it with his little brother - was the ready excuse Haruka had not to go home. Not even when June 16th rolled around, that wretched day he'd grown to hate more than any other. The reminder that he was born with a horrible shadow that would never leave him alone, no matter how far he tried to run.

"Big bro!" The door creaked open. Haruka tensed up, though he'd expected the intrusion. He hadn't even locked the door, and Kanata's soft sound of surprise told him how strange it was for him not to do so.

But Haruka had been with Kanata for 16 - no, 17 years now, and sometimes he was just tired of it all. So many times he'd wanted to throw out all his hatred and resentment and attempt to go with the flow of things, no matter where it lead him. He was well aware that Kanata was determined to harass him on his birthday, that he would knock and pester him to open the door all night if Haruka let him. He'd simply decided not to give him the chance.

"Wow, you want to get my gift that much, Big bro?" Kanata was next to him before Haruka was ready for it, and he had to force himself not to lurch back. "I don't know what to say! I just came here to wish you happy birthday. My gift this year is... nothing at all! That's what you want most from me, right, Big Bro?" He ended with a laugh that sounded off, the lightness and giddiness of it ringing wrong in Haruka's ears. On further inspection, Haruka realized there was a slight redness to Kanata's face, the light scent of whiskey on his breath.

"You're drinking," Haruka said flatly. It wasn't rare for Kanata to do so - he'd been stealing small swigs of whiskey from their father's liquor cabinet for years and sneaking back home from the parties the upperclassmen threw since entering high school. Today, however, Kanata had obediently come to practice, well aware that his classmates were going to throw him a "surprise" party on the weekend. And it wasn't like they kept a fully stocked dry bar in the common area.

Kanata was all to happy to satisfy Haruka's unspoken curiosity. "Hehe, one of my senpai was really nice to me this year and gave me a bottle! Do you want some, too? I'll go get it!" Before Haruka could decline, Kanata was shooting out the door. A tipsy Kanata was easier to deal with, so amused with himself that he almost didn't need Haruka to be there.

But being easier didn't mean easy, or good.

"Here you go!" With those words, Kanata was pressing a glass into his hand that was filled halfway with amber liquid and one cube of ice. Far too much alcohol for Haruka's taste, and Kanata knew it, had only poured half as much for himself. "Happy birthday, Big Bro! Cheers!" Kanata bumped their glasses together, meeting his eyes as he brought the alcohol to his lips. He didn't sip, waiting for Haruka to drink with him.

With a sigh, Haruka held his breath and swallowed the bitter liquid. To it's credit, it was smoother than other things he'd tried in the past. High quality, expensive, like something off their father's higher shelves. Hilarious, how Haruka had barely received a birthday wish as an after thought, but Kanata had been gifted something like this from one of the upperclassmen... Haruka gulped it down like a tingling medicine, ignoring the way it burned the back of his throat.

Kanata's eyes were wide as Haruka slammed the glass down onto the small side table, empty save for the barely melted ice-cube. His mouth tasted fuzzy and his body went warm as Kanata nudged him with his shoulder. "Amazing, Big bro! When'd you get so good at drinking!?" A little giggle and Kanata took another sip of his, content to nurse the drink even after Haruka's display.

Words came to Haruka's lips, loosened by alcohol. "You weren't the only one dipping into the liquor cabinet. I was happy to let our parents think that, though." Not that it had mattered, in the end. Rather than being angry with Kanata, their parents were only concerned why he'd taken up the habit in the first place. After a long talk, the sole punishment Kanata got was having to promise he wouldn't drink too much. Haruka knew things would be much harsher for him if he were found out - he was supposed to be the responsible one, as Mother liked to say.

"Really? Big bro, too?" Kanata laughed again. He was always so annoying when he was drunk, stupidly cheerful, treating him like one of his bullshit school 'friends.' "I guess we have more in common than I thought!"

Yeah, right. Like they had anything in common. Haruka moved away from Kanata, feeling a scowl slowly coming to his face, despite his best attempts to ward it off. "Is that all you wanted?"

"You didn't wish me happy birthday," he said. His smile was so bright, like he must have been thinking about the moment for hours, determined to make him crack.

If they were home, Haruka would have grit his teeth, looked to the side, and mumbled it without any emotion. They were not home, and Haruka was tired of pretending not to care. The fire he'd been trying to suppress was lit anew by the burn of whiskey. "Why would I?" he said, low, rough. "You're the worst thing that's ever happened to me."

Kanata's eyebrows shot up, and his smile split into a grin. "Ahh! I didn't think I'd get to hear you actually say it!" The way he was so happy about it made Haruka inwardly fume, annoyed that he'd played right into Kanata's hands again. "Too bad," Kanata said, drawing closer. "I'm here, and there's nothing you can do about it." Haruka retreated slightly on the couch, but Kanata followed until his back was against the armrest with nowhere else to go. "Be honest, Big bro. Did anyone give you a present? Did anyone even tell you happy birthday without thinking about me first? What about Mom and Dad?"

It stung more than it should have. More than Haruka wanted it to. The text from Mother that simply said, _Happy birthday to you both from me and your father. Make sure to be nice to your brother!_ and the way it seemed like Kanata was all too aware of it.

Haruka remembered the story their mother would tell them of their birth sometimes. Or more accurately, of Kanata's. Haruka's birth was always a quick prelude, a throwaway line and a smile about how easily Haruka had been delivered, before moving onto the main event. Kanata had been a far more delicate situation, eventually requiring a C-section once they'd realized his umbilical cord was around his neck. Even after the operation, it seemed that Kanata wouldn't make it through his first day. But he did. Mother liked to tell him that he should be grateful to be born with a younger twin, that it was his duty as a big brother to take care of him. Back then, he tried to take it seriously, even if it meant undertaking a responsibility he never wanted.

Now, Haruka wished he could have wrapped the cord tighter around Kanata's throat in the womb.

His body responded to the thought on its own, hands reaching out, grabbing at his little brother's neck. Thumbs squeezing the windpipe. The rest of his body following afterward, shoving Kanata down on the couch, putting more weight on his throat. The glass that Kanata had been holding fell to the floor with a dull thud, and the smell of spilled alcohol assailed Haruka's nose. Kanata's eyes were wide, disbelieving as the pressure only increased, his hands belatedly scrabbling at him, nails digging into Haruka's wrists.

Haruka could feel his face getting hot, could feel everything boiling over, but no pain from Kanata's struggling. "B-...br..." the words were barely rasped out. A plea? Coming from Kanata of all people, directed to him? It was laughable. And Haruka did laugh, 17 full years of outrage and repression welling up.

"If you didn't exist-" Maybe Mother and Father would treat him properly. Maybe people would actually see him when they looked in his direction. Maybe things would finally look up for him. Either way, things would be a hell of a lot better than they were now.

Kanata's hands, once frantically scoring his skin, stilled, and his mouth gasped wordlessly for breath as he looked up at his brother. Their eyes met and - Haruka was not sure what emotion he'd find in there. The same infuriating sense of victory, the helplessness of fear, nothing at all? Instead, Kanata's blue-green eyes crinkled at the edges and his lips twitched, curling into a sleepy smile. And then - his eyes fell closed. Haruka had been able to read him in that split second and what he saw was - bliss.

Kanata hadn't spoken another word, couldn't at this point, but Haruka could still hear his voice echoing in his head, like some kind of curse: "This really is the best birthday present of all. The last thing I get to see is my favorite expression of yours, fixated on me. And what's more... I get to be sure that Big bro will suffer because of me - forever."

The imagined words loosened Haruka's grip in an instant. His fingers were trembling as he pulled back, startled. His arms stung, scraped by Kanata's flailing, drawing blood in some places where the nails had broken the skin. Haruka quickly put his ear to Kanata's chest, praying that his heart was still beating, that his lungs were able to fill with air. The dark pit of tar in his gut thinned out when he felt his little brother breathe.

A dark red was already staining the skin of Kanata's neck, threatening to turn purple by the morning. Soon - far too soon, before Haruka had even considered picking up Kanata's fallen glass - his eyes fluttered open, and he returned to consciousness.

Kanata let out a gasp, breathing in heavily now that he was in control of himself. He coughed from the soreness of his throat, rubbing at the bruises Haruka had left. "I knew you couldn't get rid of me, Big bro," he said weakly. Haruka could still hear the glee. "You hate being alone more than anything."

Haruka loathed the way those words made him feel. He wanted to deny it, but there was no mistaking the truth. No mistaking the surge of panic he'd had when Kanata's eyes shut, when he wasn't looking at him - when Haruka thought that maybe, without him, no one would ever again.

"Happy Birthday," Haruka bit out, bitter and conceding defeat. "You can go now, right?"

**Author's Note:**

> SOMEONE DREW A WONDERFUL ARTWORK INSPIRED BY THIS FIC!! [Please take a look!!](https://twitter.com/eiceie/status/1287786503251398659)


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